The first thing I want to mention is that not every relationship has to include sexual activity. You can feel it’s vital to postpone having sex until after a given period of time or until reaching a certain life milestone, like getting married, for example. Or, as a certified psychologist, sex educator, and advocate for the LGBTQ community Liz Powell, PsyD, notes, “There are asexual persons who are in relationships where sex is mutually unnecessary or unwelcome, and those relationships are just as real, caring, and personal as any others.”
However, it’s crucial for those who choose to include sex in their relationships. You and your spouse must “navigate, communicate, and negotiate” when it comes to having sex and discussing it, according to Shadeen Francis, a sex, marital, and family therapist. Are your needs and wants to be understood by one another? Can you be vulnerable with your SO because you trust them? as well as treat your body with respect?
Six reasons why sex is important in a relationship
1. Emotional Attachment
One of the biggest draws for people to engage in really strenuous exercise is the pleasant afterglow. It turns out that the production of feel-good chemicals during sex causes you to experience a similar high afterward.
This is how it goes: Dopamine, which boosts motivation and happiness, testosterone, which enhances job performance, and endorphins, which lessen stress and pain, are all released during sexual activity. According to psychologist and relationship specialist Danielle Forshee, PsyD, “all of these hormones combined play a complicated function in human pair bonding and are vital in preserving the glue of a relationship.”
Additionally, having sex increases pleasant feelings and general well-being, especially within 24 hours of getting down, according to research that was published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Physical contact with a partner, therefore, produces a type of long-lasting “hangover” in addition to instant delight, which can improve your relationship, mood, and emotional connection.
2. Sexual activity can ease tension
You’ve likely already tried the tried-and-true methods of reducing stress, such as deep breathing, massages, hot baths, and even hotter yoga. But why not include sexuality in the mix? According to Francis, sexual activity “releases oxytocin into the circulation, which promotes relaxation and stress alleviation.” And the primary stress hormone, cortisol, is also fought off by oxytocin, according to Schewitz.
In fact, studies have shown that the way sex releases stress by activating the brain’s reward system is comparable to eating satisfying “comfort food.” Additionally, orgasm is not required to get the benefits: Any physical contact is good, and skin-to-skin contact only takes 20 seconds to trigger the release of the oxytocin hormone.
While both partners benefit individually from the reduced stress, the relationship as a whole also benefits from it. Even while stress isn’t relationship-specific, it might affect how happy you feel in a relationship, according to Francis.
3. It might increase your self-assurance
Sex may not instantly raise your BDE levels to Rihanna levels, but for certain people, it “may be an enormously confidence-boosting, body-loving event,” according to Francis. “Whether it has to do with our physical appearance or not, the majority of us experience some kind of insecurity. However, receiving approval from a loved one or trusted person might boost confidence.”
According to Courtney Cleman, CFA and co-founder of The V. Club, a health and education institution in New York City, the dopamine surge we discussed also aids in boosting your mojo. We feel better and more confident about ourselves as our dopamine levels rise, she claims.
That’s important since your sexual happiness is influenced by how you feel about yourself. According to a 2012 analysis of the relevant literature, “body-image concerns can impair all aspects of sexual functioning,” including desire, arousal, and pleasure.
4. You’ll both sleep better that night
Because you produce the hormone prolactin after an orgasm, sex also enhances your sleep in addition to raising oxytocin levels and lowering cortisol. The REM state of sleep, during which your body and brain are recharged and dreams take place, can be lengthened and deepened by this hormone.
A healthy lifestyle is built on getting a good night’s sleep, in large part because it improves your mental well-being. Additionally, better mental health results in reduced irritation, which in turn implies you quarrel less with your partner.
Scooch close to your SO before you nod off for an added bae boost as you sleep. People who sleep touch report the highest rates of romantic satisfaction, according to a study from the University of Hertfordshire.
5. The connection goes beyond the bedroom
As Coleman claims, “Sex produces an intimate feedback loop.” You’ll have more intimacy outside of the bedroom the closer you get to each other in bed, and vice versa. Research supports this. According to a series of studies that were published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, sex predicts affection, and affection predicts sexual activity.
According to Francis, who is alluding to the theory put forward by Gary Chapman in his best-selling book, “The Five Love Languages,” persons who have physical contact as one of their core love languages are most benefited from this loop. “Sex is a gateway for how you exchange compassion and love,” she claims. “If intimate touch is how you express love and get love from our relationships.”
6. The best cuddles come after sex (but really)
For some individuals, being cuddly and wiggly with their partner is not just one of the best aspects of their relationship (it’s like a blanket burrito, but better), but it may also strengthen your bond. Kissing and cuddling after sex promote a more fulfilling and joyful relationship, according to research that was published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. (Again, oxytocin FTW) However, sex must happen first in order to enjoy those post-sex pleasures.
